Men must feel at least a little threatened by a perceptive woman to be truly disarmed by her - because there's an inherent respect, and a subtle undercurrent of psychological danger. The danger is existential. She threatens his illusions, his ego structures, his defences. Her sovereignty demands he meet her in his wholeness - or fall short. It is a spiritual call to action. And if he is perceptive and intelligent, he knows it too. Precisely because of this, she holds the key to his deeper liberation - which feels both terrifying and transcendent.
It stirs something primal - a spiritual shadow recognition of the "other" - not just nurturing or soft, not a comforting echo chamber - but equally sovereign, unpredictable, capable of piercing his psyche. This is the energetic dance of the Anima and Animus in their rawest form - what we each hold within.
That subtle edge of danger makes her impossible to fully dominate or dismiss. It keeps him alert, intrigued, a little on guard - which disarms him far more than pure submission ever could. It is the paradox of power - power invites vulnerability. The more paradoxes a man can hold within, the more his "other" must know her own in order to truly comprehend and reflect his internal landscape.
This is why it is true spiritual poetry when they meet.
Chemical and intellectual at the same time.
In my experience, external veneer may threaten it only once and very early (something pretty, something in the past that could be tethered to 'unfulfillment' or 'missed opportunity') as a result of an uncertain confidence or a calculating mind. Overcoming this, of course, same makes the bond ever deeper.
From there, all the gateways are internal; self-transcendent. The 'call to action' you mention above from her, something like:
'Rise to my level, you will not be left behind IF ONLY you see inside yourself what I see in you.'
The forging of the complete man, tied to earth through water.