The Hesitation Adaptation

When it comes to personal boundaries, if an individual has never experienced attuned parents respecting theirs during a time when they were still feeling out their own needs and edges, they inherently carry cynicism and hesitation towards the validity and assertion of such in their interpersonal relationships. This is not because they do not need them, but because theirs were never honoured, thus removing themselves altogether becomes their trained and ingrained somatic response.

However, later in life and in their intimate relationships, asking for their boundaries to be respected can be a quietly disorienting experience. Aside from questioning whether it is futile altogether, the very notion of making such a request feels bittersweet and foreign because, during their formative years, they were reactively punished, dismissed, or disregarded - often unconsciously - by their parents during a time when they themselves were hyper-aware and hyper-vigilant of the subtle dynamic undercurrents due to needing to protect themselves - all while simultaneously acutely attuning to and mapping the myriad of potential relational shifts associated with how their boundary assertions might affect others. It is extremely draining and viscerally overwhelming.

What they need is patient understanding, gentle reassurance, and steadfast compassion to enable them not only to trace the intricate contours of their boundaries but also to somatically learn to trust in the validity of boundaries, as a concept, for the first time.