The Existential Recalibration

The loss of personal autonomy and the shift in identity that accompanies motherhood is not discussed enough. A woman's body transitions from a form of sexual self-expression to a multi-purpose caretaking vessel - a profound metamorphosis that is, in essence, a cataclysmic death of her former identity - yet she is seldom afforded the proper space and time to mourn it.

This unspoken loss, I believe, is why so many women experience a dramatic pendulum swing once their children reach a certain level of autonomy. Typically, this occurs when the youngest or only child is between two and three years old. It is a subconscious attempt to reclaim agency over her sense of self - particularly in relation to sexual self-expression and personal autonomy. It is an existential recalibration.

However, because it is often not logically comprehended and is deeply emotional, with imbalanced hormones in the mix, many mothers feel they need to "find themselves" or make up for lost time - becoming unconsciously frustrated but unable to pinpoint why. This internal unrest is often externalised and unleashed through various forms of neuroticism - typically manifesting in power struggles as they attempt to assert autonomy, all while grappling with their new identity.

This transition is natural and understandable. Some mothers feel the need to break out of their routine to feel alive again - believing that liberation lies beyond the existing structures they have built, only to later realise they were seeking something internal all along. I think this is also a reason why some women leave their marriages during this period. It is an ill-guided transitional phase - often with little or no empathetic, radically honest, and perceptive support - unintentionally leading to avoidable regrets.