Our greatest challenge in life is often to understand how to love ourselves so that we may, in turn, teach it to another. Those who long for a particular kind of love are often the very ones who struggle to articulate what that love looks like - how it might practically manifest in their lives beyond vague notions of being seen and understood.
To those who tell me they have never been loved in the right way, I would ask - what would the right way actually look like? Not in broad strokes, but in tangible, lived moments. It is about asking - how do I actually want to be loved? This is a question we rarely ask ourselves. How can we expect others to love us well if we have not sought to understand ourselves first?
The answer is often more obvious than we assume. It lies in how we nurture ourselves when no one is watching - not in the indulgent manner that allows us to deteriorate, but in the soul-fuel way that makes us rise each morning with a quiet unforced momentum. In my journey through love, I have found that a good place to start is - how do I care for myself in times of healing, how do I mend my soul? Once we understand this, we can extend the question outward - how might another person do this for me?
For instance, if your healing takes the form of retreating to the seaside to read, write, and immerse yourself in ideas that nourish your intellect, then perhaps being loved means having someone who listens and truly hears your niche fascinations. Someone who engages with the intuitive theories you weave - fine-tuning them through deep meandering discussions.
So, ask yourself this question and answer it fearlessly - no matter how grand or insignificant your answer may seem in the eyes of mainstream society. Screw them. This is about you.